The Tip of the Iceburg: Only the Beginning



This is stupid, and no matter how many times people say that I'm being too delusional about 'Love', I still urge to have it, to own it, to give it and submerge myself in it.
I fell in love, but I'm so sure if I'm actually serious about it but I do not want to lose it.
Do you know the feeling when you're doing something really bad, the guilt that screams at the back of your mind telling you that it just feels wrong but your whole body just goes contra to it.
And how you glare into their eyes, seeing the best of you in it and their joy overlapping the pain and suffering that they've been through. How you just pop a smile on a face that's so hard to smile just because of your presence. How you just contemplate every possible moment you can have with them, only wishing that it could come true, how they just laugh at things that you say that weren't so funny but heck they can't stop loving you back.
Then 'Poof'', it's all gone and want you're living on is just memories of you with them. How you just remember every second, every conversation and every response that they've given. You find yourself hanging in the clouds only bringing back the memories that you hope the they too are wanting back. Mutual trust, everlasting loyalty, commitment, positivity and the right intentions.
They say ' Love the way you want to be love', and if you're the only one that giving all the effort, then why carry one? You deserve to be treated right, to be cared for so why are still with the one that makes you feel like you're such a suckup? If you are in love, make sure they love you back.

Now, Can you feel it?

Have you ever just stop whatever you're doing and just realise 'you're living'. What I mean by this is not just randomly saying that you're doing the best and that you should strive more in life but wanting you guys to know that this is what it feels like to live. To have a body, to see, to hear and to feel. Yet have you ever thought of what it will feel like if you're dead, would it feel the same as what you're feeling right now or would it be a total difference.
Honestly, I've been through a phase when I thought that I was the only one living and that I'm actually under watch by this secret company that actually wanted to see how I would react to their little experiment of theirs. I thought I was so important and that I needed to be the best because they can't send me out to a scary place called earth with no particular reason, unless I was the chosen one. I woke up from that way of thinking when I figured out that others, too, have feelings and problems which are bigger than mine. Comparing myself to everyone else, to know where I stand in the world and whether I was strong enough to handle it by myself.
Then I started asking, why are we here? There must be a reason why something went through all the work for me to be here at this specific time or just simply my existence. No one told me why everyone come and go so I made theories of myself to understand life from my perspective, because there wasn't really a right perspective.
So now, just realize this is how its like to exist, understand that it won't always be this way. If so, what are you going to do about it? Live?


Here I Am, I Am back!

Haha, its been way too long since i last posted something here, but when I do look back at my previous posts, what a laugh.

Life has been a roller coaster lately, when you hope for something at the end life gives you a big slap in the face with something better. I have no idea where to start the journey I've been through but keep updated 'cause I might leave anything here any time soon.


Are you smart ENOUGH?

What is photosynthesis?
If you ask me, I would say the love from the One above to those who worship him.
Its a theory and no one can stop that from being what it is.

Well, literally it means " a chemical process that converts carbon dioxide into organic compounds, especially sugars, using the energy from sunlight"(wikipedia) but its up to us what we want it to mean. WE HAVE THE RIGHT.
And because of this right, descrimination of the smart and the not-so smart shouldn't be inforced. The smartest person in the world is someone who is able to accept others' opinions and answering with a question of why, not fighting for their own opinion until they feel satisfied. Knowledge is meant to  be shared because if it isn't, we will someday for get.


The day

The Sun will some day rise from the west,
And that day is the day when we'll be together,
Before it all shakes you will confess,
Stuck in love, forever and ever

The checklist of MY guy!

Who is that special  someone awaiting for the time we unite.....
no one knows and cares except for the both of use.
This is my checklist of the guy I really want:

1) He has to be someone I love talking to
2) Someone who makes lame jokes
3) Must be cute
4) Smart
5) Someone who wears glasses
6) Understanding
7) Someone that likes to fave fun
8) Mr. Comfortable to be around with
9) Mature
10) 'DIMPLES'!!!


The International Kid to The Public Kid: The Begining, The Struggle.

It's already the second semester, and things has been from bad to worst. ;'(. I feel like I don't belong here and I feel like I'm being pushed down by my feelings and presure of school work. Its pretty complicated.
I regret coming in late like around 4 months, anyway, it wasnt my fault. I guess its destiny and we just need to accept it, well I've already. Big Time. Its really hard to choose the right friend, you can have a really nice friend but they won't really help you in school work, or you can have a friend who can help me in school work but doesn't spend much time with me.
I consider myself the unlukiest person in the whole grade because I have no idea how this school system works. I used to be the kid who goes to that international school and gets good grades, but now that I'm stuck in this public school, I seem to lose my pride, self confidence, self control and my old me. Sometimes I stare in the mirror and I can a see another person, someone who was force to handle everything that she can't even handle, because she doesn't know how to, its not her fault she didn't get a chance, is it?
But lets be positive right now, atleast i discovered my weakness or should I say "weaknesses".  True, I should. Just when I was known as the international kid who gets good grades, I got change to "The public kid that barely knows anything," sad, eh? It's harder now, I found out I'm only good at subjects that in a language that is not in my own native language and that's only 3/8 of all the important subjects. For example, I took French for my international language and I got a 'B', even though I only knew a few basic French and I came to this school pretty late, I was pretty amazed. Well, atleast its better than most of the other subjects.
To be honest, I really like every subject because its unique and interesting, but how am I going to learn from it if I don't understand. Yes, thats why they invented the dictionary, but still? It's not like I need to open it up every now and then, I might actually loose my focus.
I don't know what to do right now but to learn how to divide my time into proper parts so I can learn, study, do my homework, do my chores, rest, do my laundry, exercise, band practise, pray and lastly eat.
Well, time to go and please give me some advice!!! wait until the next post of my uncontrolled life of a teenager.