DONE (written on 1-Sept-2014)
Its been this way for a while now and I'm not so sure if I've let it go completely. I still love him, and i know because when i think of another guy, it disgusted me. Making me feel like the only to forget is to remember another, it's going to work out but the only way out is to find another "in".
Being a senior doesn't make me feel like a senior, it's more like a junior but with more homework and stuff to stress on. Honestly, they didn't warn me all of this in the movies, i know it's cliche to think that at the age of 16, you will finally be treated more like an adult and a free pass to do legal things as if 18 years of age. I'm still to dumb for anything but a piece of cake. I want to live life to the fullest and reach beyond my limits, that only means the biggest adversary I've got to beat is only myself.
I guess the only thing thats keeping me up right and moving ahead is him, because lately he exists when i thought he wouldn't anymore and I'm not exactly sure if I'm sad but I've got this mixed up feeling of anger, joy, depression, aneroxia and sometimes a bit of suicide or is it homocide? Never sure but i really need to get tits intact.
It's not like a harmatia or anything fatal, its just a metaphor like Augustus Waters. Act like your taking so you don't have to be anyone's toy. I have my own mind and I'm quite happy that it still able to function besides the endless brainwash my imagination goes through.
2013年12月17日火曜日
Love
This is stupid, and no matter how many times people say that I'm being too delusional about 'Love', I still urge to have it, to own it, to give it and submerge myself in it.
I fell in love, but I'm so sure if I'm actually serious about it but I do not want to lose it.
Do you know the feeling when you're doing something really bad, the guilt that screams at the back of your mind telling you that it just feels wrong but your whole body just goes contra to it.
And how you glare into their eyes, seeing the best of you in it and their joy overlapping the pain and suffering that they've been through. How you just pop a smile on a face that's so hard to smile just because of your presence. How you just contemplate every possible moment you can have with them, only wishing that it could come true, how they just laugh at things that you say that weren't so funny but heck they can't stop loving you back.
Then 'Poof'', it's all gone and what you're living on is just memories of you with them. How you just remember every second, every conversation and every response that they've given. You find yourself hanging in the clouds only bringing back the memories that you hope the they too are wanting back. Mutual trust, everlasting loyalty, commitment, positivity and the right intentions.
They say ' Love the way you want to be love', and if you're the only one that giving all the effort, then why carry on? You deserve to be treated right, to be cared for so why are still with the one that makes you feel like you're such a suckup? If you are in love, make sure they love you back.
I fell in love, but I'm so sure if I'm actually serious about it but I do not want to lose it.
Do you know the feeling when you're doing something really bad, the guilt that screams at the back of your mind telling you that it just feels wrong but your whole body just goes contra to it.
And how you glare into their eyes, seeing the best of you in it and their joy overlapping the pain and suffering that they've been through. How you just pop a smile on a face that's so hard to smile just because of your presence. How you just contemplate every possible moment you can have with them, only wishing that it could come true, how they just laugh at things that you say that weren't so funny but heck they can't stop loving you back.
Then 'Poof'', it's all gone and what you're living on is just memories of you with them. How you just remember every second, every conversation and every response that they've given. You find yourself hanging in the clouds only bringing back the memories that you hope the they too are wanting back. Mutual trust, everlasting loyalty, commitment, positivity and the right intentions.
They say ' Love the way you want to be love', and if you're the only one that giving all the effort, then why carry on? You deserve to be treated right, to be cared for so why are still with the one that makes you feel like you're such a suckup? If you are in love, make sure they love you back.
Now, Can you feel it?
Have you ever just stop whatever you're doing and just realise 'you're living'. What I mean by this is not just randomly saying that you're doing the best and that you should strive more in life but wanting you guys to know that this is what it feels like to live. To have a body, to see, to hear and to feel. Yet have you ever thought of what it will feel like if you're dead, would it feel the same as what you're feeling right now or would it be a total difference.
Honestly, I've been through a phase when I thought that I was the only one living and that I'm actually under watch by this secret company that actually wanted to see how I would react to their little experiment of theirs. I thought I was so important and that I needed to be the best because they can't send me out to a scary place called earth with no particular reason, unless I was the chosen one. I woke up from that way of thinking when I figured out that others, too, have feelings and problems which are bigger than mine. Comparing myself to everyone else, to know where I stand in the world and whether I was strong enough to handle it by myself.
Then I started asking, why are we here? There must be a reason why something went through all the work for me to be here at this specific time or just simply my existence. No one told me why everyone come and go so I made theories of myself to understand life from my perspective, because there wasn't really a right perspective.
So now, just realize this is how its like to exist, understand that it won't always be this way. If so, what are you going to do about it? Live?
Honestly, I've been through a phase when I thought that I was the only one living and that I'm actually under watch by this secret company that actually wanted to see how I would react to their little experiment of theirs. I thought I was so important and that I needed to be the best because they can't send me out to a scary place called earth with no particular reason, unless I was the chosen one. I woke up from that way of thinking when I figured out that others, too, have feelings and problems which are bigger than mine. Comparing myself to everyone else, to know where I stand in the world and whether I was strong enough to handle it by myself.
Then I started asking, why are we here? There must be a reason why something went through all the work for me to be here at this specific time or just simply my existence. No one told me why everyone come and go so I made theories of myself to understand life from my perspective, because there wasn't really a right perspective.
So now, just realize this is how its like to exist, understand that it won't always be this way. If so, what are you going to do about it? Live?
2013年8月3日土曜日
Here I Am, I Am back!
Haha, its been way too long since i last posted something here, but when I do look back at my previous posts, what a laugh.
Life has been a roller coaster lately, when you hope for something at the end life gives you a big slap in the face with something better. I have no idea where to start the journey I've been through but keep updated 'cause I might leave anything here any time soon.
Life has been a roller coaster lately, when you hope for something at the end life gives you a big slap in the face with something better. I have no idea where to start the journey I've been through but keep updated 'cause I might leave anything here any time soon.
2011年10月24日月曜日
Are you smart ENOUGH?
What is photosynthesis?
If you ask me, I would say the love from the One above to those who worship him.
Its a theory and no one can stop that from being what it is.
Well, literally it means " a chemical process that converts carbon dioxide into organic compounds, especially sugars, using the energy from sunlight"(wikipedia) but its up to us what we want it to mean. WE HAVE THE RIGHT.
And because of this right, descrimination of the smart and the not-so smart shouldn't be inforced. The smartest person in the world is someone who is able to accept others' opinions and answering with a question of why, not fighting for their own opinion until they feel satisfied. Knowledge is meant to be shared because if it isn't, we will someday for get.
KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING IF EVERYTHING HAS A KEY, THEN IT IS KNOWLEDGE
If you ask me, I would say the love from the One above to those who worship him.
Its a theory and no one can stop that from being what it is.
Well, literally it means " a chemical process that converts carbon dioxide into organic compounds, especially sugars, using the energy from sunlight"(wikipedia) but its up to us what we want it to mean. WE HAVE THE RIGHT.
And because of this right, descrimination of the smart and the not-so smart shouldn't be inforced. The smartest person in the world is someone who is able to accept others' opinions and answering with a question of why, not fighting for their own opinion until they feel satisfied. Knowledge is meant to be shared because if it isn't, we will someday for get.
KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING IF EVERYTHING HAS A KEY, THEN IT IS KNOWLEDGE
The checklist of MY guy!
Who is that special someone awaiting for the time we unite.....
no one knows and cares except for the both of us.
This is my checklist of the guy I really want:
1) He has to be someone I love talking to
2) Someone who makes lame jokes
3) Must be cute
4) Smart
5) Someone who wears glasses
6) Understanding
7) Someone that likes to have fun
8) Mr. Comfortable to be around with
9) Mature
10) 'DIMPLES'!!!
no one knows and cares except for the both of us.
This is my checklist of the guy I really want:
1) He has to be someone I love talking to
2) Someone who makes lame jokes
3) Must be cute
4) Smart
5) Someone who wears glasses
6) Understanding
7) Someone that likes to have fun
8) Mr. Comfortable to be around with
9) Mature
10) 'DIMPLES'!!!
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